What I Tell Myself When I Feel Like I Haven’t Accomplished Anything as I Fight My Illness
By Valerie Brock (Article via The Mighty)
As another week draws to a close, I find myself thinking, “What did I accomplish this week?” This is a common thought for me on a Saturday morning. I began a new protocol for Lyme disease treatment this past week and it has taken its toll on my body. Still, I know this is another step closer to hope and healing in this long and often winding journey with chronic illness.
I have to remind myself that success is small steps that are taken right now. Some days it feels like I take baby steps; well, make that most days. Then once in a while I will have a decent day, when I can take bigger, deeper steps in this journey of life. It is so hard for me to move at the snail’s pace I have been subjected to since my health began to largely deteriorate over the past 18 years. “Slow and steady gets the job done” often feels more like I’m on a merry-go-round at the park. Spinning in place, moving, but actually getting nowhere.
So many days I feel like the proverbial hamster on a wheel. Round and round I go, constantly striving to get in a bit of work here, between a nap there. The constant work/rest cycle is exhausting in itself. The mind-boggling fatigue and pain of Lyme disease dictate much of my day. I recently saw a quotation by Lena Horne that seemed to sum up my struggle.
“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” — Lena Horne
I rely a lot on my faith. My belief in a higher power is an integral part of my life. For myself, I am personally grateful to God who helps me to carry the burdens He has given me. But, I understand there are those who do not believe as I do. And, I think this quotation can be applied in several ways to our lives.
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